~Gone~

Some time ago I decided to write about important things for me - although others may think they are trivial things, or just stupid - but there were many things I stopped doing so. Fear, depression and lack of knowledge of English - which caused fear and depression, also. -

Why in English? because although it sounds contradictory, most of my contacts or people I know in this cyber-world are English speakers and because I can't say personally what I can perfectly say by writing.

That something - or rather, someone - who gave me the courage to do this - and that he may not know it - is someone whom I greatly admire and whom, somehow, I feel I have a connection with. Maybe because we both like to write, or at least enjoy doing so - that's what I feel when he "discovers" part of his life in his writings.

How much can hurt to see that person and realize there's no one there? How much it hurts when that person no longer exists, it's only a shadow, or maybe not even that?.
Everything that once was built went directly into the trash. I tried to recover it, desperately tried to but there was nothing, just disappeared. That person continued being here, but that person is no longer the one I knew, simply an unknown human being to me ... like I am for that person.

That is what got me sad for the last few days, and that was the summit of a series of unfortunate events for me. Those who know me will never know what's happening, because I never show anything to the rest, because I am not interested in hugs by inertia, words without feeling saying they understand the way I feel and that everything's going to be OK. I am tired of the hypocrites who end up as the one I lost: unknown people for me.

Many of you may believe now that I am.... a depressed person, away from the Mei you know: always cheerful, always prankster, always fangirl (haha, Alan). Don't think that way, I'm all that I mentioned, but I also have this side, that side only show this way, writing each time I need to vent all I have inside.

I think this song is all the time on my blog in one way or another, perhaps because it is the only - and I'm not lying - song I hear in the day, or because it summed up in five minutes and half what I have been feeling in these weeks.
That's why every day I should restate my admiration for this group, is the only one I can identify with because every single song, without exception, is a story of life, of my life, of many lives.